Thursday, February 16, 2012


I was called both in one day. Last Monday, actually.

That day started hectically and ended with two silly stories and name calling.

I dropped my ill friend in the hospital for surgery and I left. Being ill myself, I try to spend as little time there, as possible. I am sick of the medical establishments. So, I decided to spend the next 5-6 hours,  until pick-up  time, doing things that would keep my mind occupied with things that had nothing to do with "illness."

My first stop was the library. On my way out and in the middle of a conversation with a lady whom, I do not know, an older gentleman, whom I know, from different discussions we hold in a section of the library, injected himself in our conversation. The other lady and I were both admiring, how "famous" couples were planning to spend Valentine's Day, according to a gossip magazine. I made the comment, after I read something that impressed me .
"I wish I had a husband to buy rare flowers for me," something to that effect.

I do not like flowers and I urge men not to waste their money on silly gestures like that. I prefer practical presents. It was so out of character, what I said. I guess I was feeling lonely and with the Valentine's Day around the corner, a tad more sentimental.

"Well, may be if you looked like PP(the name of the actress in the picture,) you would have a husband to buy these things for you and you would not feel like such a loser." My old geezer sounded off, pleased with himself.

My usual self would have attacked right away and would have made him feel poorly by pointing out his wrinkled ass, his Bulgarian trashy girlfriend, who had just stolen money from him and disappeared and other mean comments like that.

No, this time, I  stood there and I just said: "I am not a loser, I am a fighter. Losing is part of fighting. When it comes, I will have no choice, but accept it. But for now, I am not a loser."

No reply was made. He just put his head down and left.

I refuse to accept I am a loser, because I do not have a husband, a great job, perfect health and perfect little everything. I have value and nobody can tell me otherwise.

While I was contemplating all these things, I had made it home already. I do not own a cell phone. The only way I can be reached is the good old fashioned land line. My phone was ringing and the answering service showed I had about 20 messages. I panicked. I thought something went wrong with the surgery. Thank God, no. What happened was funny, really funny.
 Now stay with me.

Mark is Rebecca's husband. Mark was the one calling frantically. Rebbecca is an old acquittance of mine and her step mom is only 2 years older than her. Her father is a super wealthy lawyer, with his own law firm, where  Rebbecca is still working. Erika, the step mom, also worked for the firm for a very short period of time. Her real goal was to marry the owner, (Rebecca's dad,) so that she would never had to work hard for all the rewards of wealth. Both ladies are brilliant Harvard Law School graduates and they get along famously. Erika was the one, who found Mark for Rebbecca through a trip to Alaska, taken just for that purpose.

Mark is a man's man. Very "Alaskan," very masculine, very manly. Manly men do not take care of children in his book. That is a woman's job, mainly. He is trying to  help, because he loves his wife and that is what is expected of him. But every time, something goofy happens, because his heart is not in it.

I forgot to mention that both couples have twins. Erika has 2 sets and Rebbecca and Mark have one.

This past Monday, Mark was entrusted with 2 sets of twins to be dropped off to two different activities.
The frantic call to me had to do with the fact that both sets were missing, because they were dropped in the wrong place. Mark was aware he would get yelled at, so he called me to help him out.

I met him, we retrieved the children, dropped off the right set to the right activity and begged everybody to keep it to themselves.

When I asked Mark how could he make such a mistake the answer, the tone of voice and the face that went with it, were indescribably funny.
"The kids are so close to the age and one set had to go ice skating the other ice hockey. Both activities involve ice, it is easy to make the mistake. And, what  difference does it make anyway? All we want, is to keep them occupied and active, either activity would have done that."

That was Mark's logic.

 Mark is really grateful for my helping that day with making the swap and helping to soften the blow, when we told the "women." I defended him and I told them that he was right. That they had plenty of help and if, he did not want to participate in things like that, he should not. He is a good father otherwise and yes, I am with him, it is a woman's job mainly to tend to the young ones.

In one man's eyes I was a "loser," because he does not like my political views and the fact that I talk back to him( he is an ex-judge, you see.) In another man's eyes I was the "hero," who rescued him from a small misunderstanding , which could have escalated to an ugly fight with his family.

I am neither a loser nor a hero. It just goes to show, how we are viewed in different  ways, by different people, for different reasons. We should try not to buy the negative views, because they will bring us down. Instead, let us enjoy, the joy or the help we give to another human being. There are no small gestures. Everything counts, big or small, good or negative. Let us strive to stay with the positive, see the silliness and humorous side of things. It feels better; positive, funny, supportive, helpful. All good stuff.

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