Friday, March 16, 2012


Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am size 0. I have been this small for about 2 decades now. Fluctuating between 0 and 2. It was not always like that. As a youngster, I hit even 130p. Now talk about a pig. That translated into a size 8, roughly. Nobody minded, but me. No man ever complained, no woman ever disliked  (really,) how I looked.

Once I had my son and being vain to begin with, I undertook the task, that I would look better than before.
I met the appropriate people, in the right environment and they shaped me up to look beyond good.

Even before I got diagnosed with cancer, I was a size 2 for a very long time. I do not have to tell you ladies, what kind of dividends it pays to be a size so small. It is like hitting the lotto. No matter, what they say about curves and how much they  try to sell the appeal of a JLo or one of those disgusting derrieres, do not buy it. Men like petite, adolescent looking figures.

Not everybody is built or meant to look that way. So be it. Make the best of what you have, try to keep that weight down and live and let live. Just do not have illusions. It makes me sick, when, even the nurses, knowing that cancer is eating some of us up, they glorify, admire it and try to emulate it.

I love being ultra thin. I can wear whatever I like and it looks acceptable. I do not look for "forgiving" attires. They are all flattering. An ultra thin figure with boobs, is every male's secret fantasy. I do not make  a big deal out of it, because I already got out of it, what I wanted. Now, with the health in jeopardy, it lost its importance.

Today we had some bad news concerning my close friend's health progress. She also suffers from advanced cancer and the news were devastating.

The solution, for two immature adults was, to eat and do all the things that are non-nos for cancer patients especially. I am not big on food, but I have a sweet tooth. So picture this.The order in the restaurant went as follows. The following is just for me.

Four crepes, not two, the regular portion, filled with super extra filling and a big, extra size plate of the filling that I adore, on the side. On top of that, an extra super size french fries, on the side. I never eat fries, I do not even like them. Today was a weird day, I ate a whole plate o fries.  Then at the end, out of the blue, I craved french onion soup and I ordered one. The young girl taking the order called a more experienced server for advice. Should she serve all these totally outrageous combinations of foods to a probable nut case? The second server, more sophisticated with false eyelashes and such goes "Grrrl, what's wrong with you, you have never heard what a weirdo, pregnancy can make you?" She looked at me, winked and went:
"and you blondie pie, eat whatever your heart desires, ignore the surprised stares."

You know how well it made me feel, her saying that? First, she thought I was of child bearing age. Yeah!!! Second, she did not discriminate thin, chunky, can, can't handle it, weird taste or anything. Her attitude was, she wants all that, our job is not to question it, give her all that.

I felt dozens of stares, while I was inhaling my strange combo of foods. This little hanger of a woman, eating for 4, not 2. I enjoyed every bite of it and I should not tell you the rest. But, I promised the truth, always, no matter how ugly. All that food came right  out within the hour.  It was waaay too much for anyone, let alone a tiny person, with a tiny stomach, missing one foot of her colon and in general in poor appetite.

You may be wondering,  why I wrote about this.
I wanted to remind you, that it is perfectly OK to do silly things, every so often, to satisfy cravings of every kind, as long, as you keep some sense of decorum and you do not break any kinds of laws.
Do not get intimidated by stares, "where are you going to put all of that food?"
"hopefully not on my ass."
Do not allow any kind of rigid diets or regimens to constantly spoil your fun on this earth.
 Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. So, eat, drink and be merry, as much as you can. Do not concern, what your guilt will be whispering in your ear, or your strict life style, will impose on you. Every so often , it is so good to be bad.

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