Tuesday, May 22, 2012


I never thought I would say these words out loud. It has been some time since I visited my own blog. I had forgotten what I had written about, courtesy to the chemotherapy that I took 3 years ago, but mainly due to the fact that I was in a coma. My short term memory suffers a great deal. The lapses of memory scare me sometimes, because I had a great memory. It is what it is. I have to deal with it.

On Saturday May 5th, the night of that glorious full moon, a very close childhood friend of mine, left this earth. Her name was Ioanna. She was one of the most perfect human beings , one could have the privilege of meeting. I need way too much space to write about her ethical, sunny, but strong as steel character. Her brilliant mathematician's brain, her contributions to her family, her friends, strangers. All her life she was battling one adverse situation, after another, with a smile on her face and love and attention left for all of us.

Life finally turned around for her. Her lot in life had started looking enviable with a wonderful husband, who survived a bout with cancer, a great career for both of them and mostly important with an absolutely beautiful, intelligent and talented daughter. They built a new home for their family and bought a summer house in an unusual, very pretty, next to a beach, area in Greece, where they reside.

When I visited my home town, she was the very first person I was used to talk to. Her home was open to me, any time, any day. Her dear husband accepted me as part of her family. We had great moments together every time I visited, memories that make me smile even right now.

Then a few months ago, she got in touch with me and without melodramatics, she explained that she was battling the same battle, I am fighting.  She made the decision to fight cancer the conventional way with chemotherapy. Her daughter and I tried to influence her to give the "natural way" a chance. I took some chemotherapy and I am happy I stopped it. It would have killed me by now. I may still die soon, but at least the quality of my life has not been destroyed as Ioanna's.

I had spoken to her only a few days before I got the news that she "departed." I knew she was suffering, I just did not know how much.  I still grieve. I still cry late at nights, despite the fact that I know, she is "free" now. How am I going to go, if I am meant to visit my home town again, and she will not be there? How am going to face her husband and daughter?

All of a sudden, I want to be here for a few more years. I do not dare to dream of being cured. I was declared "terminal" with absolute confidence, by my doctors. I dare to think of a miracle that I may stretch the 6 months to 6 years, may be. My son still needs me. People love to see me show up at their support groups or churches and tell my story. Heads that are hanging in desperation, rise and a smile of hope shows up in people's faces. They are not alone. God saved me once after the coma and he is giving me an extension in life now. I want many people to hear this. I am a miracle walking. I want to live a bit longer, so more people will be inspired to fight back, before giving up without a fight.

If you are reading this, will you pass it on to someone, who has lost all hope and is full of sadness and anger, why this is happening to him/her? Tell them about me.  Persuade them that miracles DO happen. Not too often, but they do. I am praying for a miracle for myself. To keep on going, helping others in this difficult journey and be here for a few more years. As many as God deems I deserve or need to be here. Please pass it around.You have no idea, what a great gesture you will be doing, showing another human being to believe, have faith and hope. Point at the miracle that is still here, ME. God's grace keeps me here and helps me everyday. If you are in a similar situation, share it with me. I need encouragement too. The rest of you healthy, good people, support us in our difficult course, please.  Thank you on behalf of all of us, who need support and encouragement. 

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